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【预订】It's Not You

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作者Ramani Durvasula, PhD

出版社Penguin Publishing Group

ISBN9780593492628

出版时间2024-02

装帧精装

定价138元

货号YB-88927

上书时间2024-08-20

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“A compassionate road map and survival guide for people in narcissistic relationships...” —Jay Shetty, New York Times bestselling author of Think Like a Monk and host of the On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast

From clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic relationships Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a guide to protecting and healing yourself from the daily harms of narcissism

It’s not always easy to tell when you’re dealing with a narcissistic person. One day they draw you in with their charm and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-esteem, and leave you wondering, What should I have done differently? As Dr. Ramani explains in It’s Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing.

Just as a tiger can’t change its stripes, a narcissist will not stop manipulating and invalidating you, no matter how much you try to appease them. The first step toward healing from their toxic influence—and to protect yourself from future harm—is to accept that you are not to blame for their behavior.

Drawing on more than two decades of studying the landscape of narcissism and working with survivors, Dr. Ramani explores how narcissists hijack our well-being and offers a healing path forward. Unpacking the oft-misunderstood personality, she reveals the telltale behavioral patterns that indicate you may be dealing with a narcissist. Along the way, you’ll learn how to become gaslight resistant, chip away at the trauma bonds that keep you stuck in the cycle, grieve the loss of these painful relationships, create and maintain realistic boundaries, discern unhelpful behaviors from narcissistic behaviors, and recover your sense of self after constant invalidation.

Thriving after, or even during, a narcissistic relationship can be challenging, but It’s Not You shows you it is possible. Dr. Ramani invites you to stop blaming yourself and trying to change the narcissistic person, and to start giving yourself permission to let go of their hold on you and finally embrace your true self.
“为自恋关系中的人们提供富有同情心的路线图和生存指南......” —Jay Shetty，纽约时报畅销书《像僧人一样思考》的作者，也是On Purpose with Jay Shetty播客的主持人

来自临床心理学家和自恋关系专家 Ramani Durvasula 博士的一本保护和治愈自己免受自恋日常伤害的指南

判断自己何时处于自恋状态并不总是那么容易与自恋的人打交道。有一天，他们用自己的魅力和感召力吸引你，第二天他们就会点燃你的怒火，破坏你的自尊，让你想知道，我应该采取什么不同的做法？正如拉马尼博士在< i>这不是你，答案是：绝对没有。

就像老虎无法改变它的条纹一样，自恋者也不会停止操纵你，让你变得无效，无论有多少你试图安抚他们。从他们的有毒影响中治愈并保护自己免受未来伤害的第一步是接受你不应该为他们的行为承担责任。

借鉴二十多年对自恋和自恋的研究。拉马尼博士与幸存者合作，探讨了自恋者如何劫持我们的幸福，并提供了一条治愈之路。她揭示了经常被误解的性格，揭示了一些明显的行为模式，这些行为模式表明您可能正在与自恋者打交道。在此过程中，您将学习如何抵抗煤气灯，消除使您陷入恶性循环的创伤纽带，为失去这些痛苦的关系而悲伤，创建并维持现实的界限，从自恋行为中辨别无益的行为，以及在不断的失效后恢复自我意识。

在自恋关系之后甚至期间蓬勃发展可能具有挑战性，但这不是你向您表明这是可能的。拉马尼博士邀请您停止责备自己并试图改变自恋的人，并开始允许自己放弃他们对您的控制，并最终拥抱真实的自我。

作者简介
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist, Professor Emerita of Psychology at California State University Los Angeles, and the Founder and CEO of LUNA Education, Training & Consulting. She discusses narcissism on her popular YouTube channel, on social media as @DoctorRamani, her popular online program on healing from narcissistic abuse, and as the host of the podcast Navigating Narcissism with Dr. Ramani. This is her fourth book.

媒体评论
“A compassionate roadmap and survival guide for people in narcissistic relationships...that helps...them understand how to heal and thrive during and after these challenging relationships.”
–Jay Shetty, bestselling author of Think Like A Monk and host of the On Purpose Podcast

“A must read. Dr. Ramani will teach you how to heal from any toxic relationship. With her expert advice based on decades of research and clinical experience, she makes the impossible seem possible.”
–Mel Robbins, bestselling author of The High Five Habit and host of The Mel Robbins Podcast

“In writing It's Not You, Dr. Durvasula directly addresses victims of narcissistic abuse with targeted advice developed through years of clinical experience and research. I would highly recommend this book to anyone struggling in a relationship with a narcissist. Once you realize it's not you who is the problem, you can become the solution.”
–W. Keith Campbell, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Georgia and author of The Narcissism Epidemic

“It’s Not You tackles a subject matter so wildly misunderstood and offers a path forward for those who have been, or currently are in narcissistic relationships. With deep compassion, Dr. Ramani masterfully helps the reader shift from self-blame to seeing the picture clearly. What a profound gift it is to those who will see their experience written about in this book and feel a little less alone.”
–Vienna Pharaon, bestselling author of The Origins of You and host of the This Keeps Happening podcast

“Whether you are looking to avoid damaging relationships, leave one, or finally move on from one, Dr. Ramani has produced a work that is utterly essential for understanding the patterns we were never built to see coming. By lifting the veil on these people, she not only teaches us about them, but how to stop shaming ourselves for who we had to become to survive them. It’s Not You is not just life-saving, but life-restoring. More than a way out, it’s a way back, to yourself.”
–Matthew Hussey, host of the Love Life with Matthew Hussey podcast

“Emotionally abusive relationships take away our voice and our power, and Dr. Ramani gives us the tools and teaches all of us how to take ourselves back and feel whole again.”
–Debra Newell, author of Surviving Dirty John

“What sets Dr. Ramani apart is her valuable emphasis on healing from the damaging effects of a narcissist’s destructive behavior. With a direct and compassionate approach, she reminds us that it is possible to heal. As always, Dr. Ramani gives comfort and validation to the ‘lions’. It’s Not You is a gift.”
–Jenifer Faison, host of the Betrayal podcast

“Dr. Ramani is one of the most respected experts on healing and narcissism.  In this important book, I’m grateful she includes the often unseen world of grief and narcissism.  She gives deep insights and sound advice on the experience of grief. It’s Not You is a must read.”
–David Kessler, author of Finding Meaning

“It’s Not You is, simply put, brilliant. In straightforward, clear language, Dr. Ramani has created a framework for deeply understanding the complexities of, and healing from, this most insidious form of abuse. She challenges misconceptions and glaring gaps in knowledge of current paradigms in traditional psychology and with compassion and refreshing candor, guides us through hell—and back to our true selves.”
–Mark Vicente, NXIVM whistleblower and director of Empathy Not Included

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【预订】It's Not You

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